Please can I have a Dog Allowance?

Dear Government,

My Wife and I have decided to complete our family by getting ourselves a dog.

Having had the fun of picking out the right breed, I would now expect the tax payer to subsidise the upkeep of the animal by way of a Dog allowance. After all, dog food isn't cheap and the way that my puppy is growing, he'll be needing a new bed pretty soon, something that we really can't afford as we didn't budget on the extra expense of having a dog.

Of course, bringing up a puppy does take time, so I would like employers to allow paid time off to allow myself or my wife some home time to bring it up. This will give my wife an opportunity to meet up with her friends and take over coffee houses.

Once he is past the cute puppy stage, I would expect you, the government, to train my dog. Of course, my dog is the cleverest of all and you wouldn't be doing you job right if he didn't leave dog training with the ability to become a sniffer dog. Of course I would be far too busy to train him up myself, so you'd better make a good job it!

Could you also persuade supermarkets to reserve prime parking spaces for me when I go shopping? Although internet shopping is available, I like to drag my dog around the supermarket as I'm pretty sure that other shoppers appreciate the entertainment that I provide when the dog misbehaves.

Thank you