Evening Out...

As dearly beloved had a visitor last night I decided to go to the pub.

As I walked into town I quickly realised that the rather splendid chilli that I had earlier had worked its way through and that I needed a pit stop rather rapidly.

So, I stopped off in a pub, ordered a drink and proceeded to the Gents... and there the fun started.

One of the 2 cubicles is engaged so I go to the other, only to find that the lock is broken. By this stage, time is becoming a critical factor leaving me with no choice. I close the door and sit on the loo only to find that the seat is loose. To compound this, I now find that the cubicle is quite long so I have to stretch to reach the door. So, now I’m sat on a wobbly seat and leaning forward holding the door closed. The potential for disaster was immense.

Having completed the task, I now turn to get some loo paper. This is stored on a huge roll in a large dispenser fixed on the wall. The trouble is, I can’t find the end of the roll. Now, the operation to find the end on the toilet roll requires 2 hands: one to rotate the roll and the other to feel for elusive end, and this leaves me in a quandary. I’ve now got to release the loo door which then proceeds to open slowly while frantically rotating the roll and feeling for the end. As the door opens I have to stop the search for then end and close to door before resuming my search. This I have to repeat several times before finally completing my search.

Now came the bit where I’m using the loo paper on a wobbly seat, still stretching out to keep the door shut and praying that no-one wants to come in... Fortunately no-one did.

Having completed my deed, I now progressed to the hand-basin to wash my hands. The taps are the percussion types that you are meant to press down on and get a reasonable time to soap hands and then another blast to rinse them off. Not in this case... As soon as I lift my hand off the tap, the water stopped. This means that I now have to do the “One-Hand-Wash” dance, which is a bit like the Hokey Cokey, but with hands and not legs...

Now I have to dry my hands, and... yup, you guessed it... the hand-dryer is buggered. Actually, it technically works, but only when it felt like it, a bit like a Media Study student. Eventually, my hands were dried and I returned to my pint, hoping that it had not evaporated...